I'm Not Dead, Just Barely Alive

If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, by the end of my time at this job, I am going to be one steel-covered bitch.

Hello. Remember me? I'm the one that abandoned you all in the pursuit of money in the form of a paycheck. I do deeply regret that decision. Really, I do. If you only knew. Now I could go on and on about the many dickholes I manage to come across during my day. I could go on and on about how giant shit-filled turds try to be condescending to moi in their attempt to make me believe I am somehow not entirely perfect. I could... but really why bother? We all know it's not true, anyway. I am the epitome of perfection. Instead, let's try to think of the positive.

First off, I'd like to give a shout-out:

Dear Santa,

Thanks big guy. I knew you'd come through for me. Oh and the IPod, yeah my Mom's trying to take credit for that one, but we both know it came from you, don't worry. Next year, let's talk Aruba.

XOXOXO,
Ari


There. Now that that's done, let's move on, shall we?

I discovered that I talk to myself. We're not talking about a little here or there, oh no. We're talking full-blown conversation that I have with myself in my pursuit of doing my job in hell. Ya know, hell. The place I work at. Anyhow, there are two conclusions to draw from this. Either I appear to be slowly going insane, which could also mean that I am somehow gifted above normal levels (look at gifted people sometime, if you look closely, they appear insane) OR I have the creativity that is unsurpassed by any other mortal. Either way, it doesn't draw away from my perfection, so I'm going to accept it. Fine, I talk to myself. But listen to the conversation sometime. Only I would debate myself on whether or not I am a complete bad-ass or only a bad-ass on the outside with a gooey center. They're good conversations, I tell you. Good ones. They'll draw you in and leave you perplexed, slightly uneasy and a little afraid. Which is okay with me, because I only have these conversations in hell. So if you hear one, chances are, I want you to feel that way, so you will back the fuck off and leave me alone. So that I can do my job. IN HELL.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT--- Don't you hate when you forget about that capslock? Sheesh.

But enough about hell, let's talk more about me. Right now, I'm working on a daydream that involves leather, a parachute and rose petals. Yeah, I'm gonna have GOOD dreams tonight. Well, look at that. I remembered the capslock. We'll talk later. Until then, have a good one or five for me. And tell them Ari sent you.


Ta ta,
Ari