Because I'm Not Like You

"It's good that you are getting out more," she said, while I crinkled my nose.

I finished speaking with her; a little sliver of irritation lodging itself onto the back of my brain. She meant well. They all mean well. I always think that when you run across someone you know while you're at work, that it's like a mini-oasis type of situation. You can relax, let go of the "professional" you and be a bit more yourself for a few minutes. That is, until they say something like that.

Ugh. Is it really good? Why is it so wrong that I like staying home? Why is it so wrong that in the whole time I was a stay-at-home mother, I avoided social situations, I avoided filling my calendar with "events" that were really of no importance? Why is it wrong that I like to be independent? Why is it so wrong that I don't plan my day for others, I plan it for me and my own? Why do I NEED to get out more in order to be considered normal?

Why should I go looking for people outside my home, when I have everything I need right here? Sure, friends are good. But my best friend and I are married. Love and acceptance are great things, I have that here.

I realize that they are only trying to welcome me to their fold, but what they don't realize is that while I am more than happy to be friends, or visit once in a great while, I don't want to be in any fold other than one of my own making.

So, yes, I am getting out more. Getting a job really forces that issue on me. Fine. But I can't possibly see how this is GOOD for me. A booster shot is good for me. Eating veggies are good for me. Being forced to be leave my sanctuary, only to be forced to don a smile and be nice to others? Sure, I can do it. But I hardly see how it is GOOD for me.

You know, I was about to end it right there, but as it turns out, it is more than a sliver of irritation. Look at all the problems with society. Look at our role models of today -- the strumpet heiresses that have done nothing but be born into money, the idiot celebrity whose only job it is, is to pretend to be someone else THEN believes because they are so good at faking that they actually should have more weight when it comes to political opinions and such, those idiotic wimpy singers who whine about how horrible their lives are all the while raking in paycheck after paycheck. These are the so-called people we are supposed to look up to? These are the so-called people that children AND ADULTS of today are emulating? Please explain to me how is it GOOD for me to be in a society like this?

Maybe I just am a classic dissenter. Maybe. Or maybe I just see so much bullshit, so many people whose lives are focused on material crap, things that are of no importance, that I don't WANT to be like them. I don't want to be in their fold.

Fuck you, if you want me to change. I won't do it. I like me. No, you won't see me at a PTA meeting. Not because I don't care about my child's education, but because I go directly to the source if I have a problem and confront the teacher. I make sure the teacher and I are on the same page, so that I may teach my son WITH HER AS SUPPORT, and not push his education all off on her. Fuck you, if you want me to attend church regularly. God is not in a building, people. So you can add transcendentalism to my list. Fuck you, if I don't go to your party. My family is more important that getting wasted at some stupid social function. I have better things to do with my time. Fuck you, if I don't take my kid to every kind of sports function possible. Sports are good, but since when was it good to inundate your child with EVERY kind of sport until you have to make a special calendar for THEM just to keep it all straight? How is that good? Fuck you, if my husband and I would rather spend time with each other than over at your house. He and I have to make up for a few lost Tuesdays, so unless you are going to stand there and watch, get the fuck out.

I don't need you.