An Essay in Bitches

Through the last century, women have been viewed in a multitude of ways. Whether it be the "June Cleaver" image of yesteryear or "Marilyn Monroe" material girl homages, women have been out there, trying to change how we are perceived. In today's society, a more power role has been established as the new image for what a woman should be. Women have transformed from a secondary submissive role to a more assertive, aggressive dominant one. That's all fine and dandy, I applaud this. What gets me is that by changing roles, by changing the way women are viewed, we, as women, often forget what it is that we are changing this perception to.

It's fine to be assertive. It's great to be aggressive. The fact of the matter is that there is fine line there. We can try to ignore it, we can try to dismiss it, but it's there, it's there waiting for us to acknowledge it. THERE IS A FINE LINE BETWEEN AGGRESSIVENESS AND BITCHINESS. There, I said it.

Not so long ago, one could find me admonishing the b-word, because I felt it held us back. Why should we call each other that horrendous oppressive word? At that time, I refused to admit to another women being a bitch. Maybe she was having a hard day, maybe something awful just happened to her, maybe she had it rough... Or maybe, she really was a bitch and I just refused to admit it, because to call her one was to acknowledge this behavior in myself.

Whether it's Omarosa from The Apprentice or Janice Dickinson from whatever mindless show she happens to be on at the moment, I am starting to hear a certain phrase reverberate throughout the social classes. "Why is it that when a man is aggressive, he is applauded, yet when a women is aggressive, she is called a bitch?" While I will admit that there are times when men call women that to make up for things which they do not have, why is that women are unwilling to see that maybe, just maybe, these women are being called bitches, because THEY ARE? I'm sorry, but it walks like a bitch and talks like a bitch, chances are it's not a duck.

What I really mean to say is: Stop using that excuse for poor behavior!

Because to use that excuse is basically saying that women cannot be aggressive and assertive without being bitchy. And that is just not true. One can make their way through this world and even to the top without having to behave in a catty, disgusting manner that is often portrayed right before someone starts shouting that excuse from the rooftops.

So now, I call it like I see it. If I see a powerful woman conducting herself in a favorable way, I will say so. If I see a powerful woman conducting herself in a non-favorable way, I will say so, too. I'm no longer afraid of the b-word and all it entails. I am not afraid to admit that I, too, often succumb to bitchy behavior. And if it means that I am called a bitch, I accept that. I won't make excuses for myself, or rail at men, as if they are the ones to blame. We need to stop being afraid of this word. Instead, let's use it to better ourselves. Let's use it to look inward and ask, "Am I being a bitch?" Because just maybe, at that moment in time, we were. Let us curb the bitchiness, check it at the door. The sooner we do that, the sooner this word will no longer hurt us.

The truth is that just because women burned their bras and brought ourselves up the social ladder, does not mean that we are immune from the "bitch" label. If I see one of us acting in this manner, I will tell them, much in the same way I'd tell a girl that she had spinach stuck in her teeth. It is NOT becoming, it is NOT attractive. It is NOT the image that we should be trying to portray ourselves as.

So come on, ladies, stop using this excuse. Be proud, stand up and be a real woman.