Water Burners Unite
I am not above bettering myself. Not at all. It's just that when you are so darn near perfection, there's not a heck of a lot to better yourself with. (I wonder how many people take lines like that seriously.) There is one thing I can do, though. Learn to cook. I'm not talking about cooking normal meals. I want to cook fancy schmancy stuff.
So for the past few weeks, I've been trying my hardest. I made chicken cordon bleu perfectly. My second attempt at a roast had me putting the meat in a crock pot at seven-thirty in the morning, then forgetting it until my stomach started to rumble. Hey, wasn't I cooking something? Turns out, it was so tender, I had scoop it out of the crock pot with a spoon. Ok, so aesthetically, it might not have looked appetizing, but it was tender and tasted like heaven.
I always do that. I will put something on the stove and then get distracted and forget I'm cooking. And this, folks, is how I have burned water many times in the past. How do you burn water? You cook it until it evaporates and seriously ruins the pan. Water Burners Unite.
But that's ok. I'm still learning. I've successfully learned how to make chicken and dumplings. I haven't conquered spadogies yet, given that it's a family recipe that no one else knows how to make. And my family lives far away. I'll have to wait on that one. Besides, it gives Mom a good excuse to come visit. Are you listening, Mom?
One thing that I learned early on was Swedish Meatballs. It is the staple of our diet. Mainly because it's all my boys want to eat. When my son was in first grade, his teacher set about making a recipe book, including all the things the kids love to eat. She asked each of them how to make their favorite meals. I kept this recipe book, eventually, it's going in a hope chest to keep forever. So without further ado, here's some of the kids' responses when asked for recipes:
Turkey: Keenen
Put yellow round things (I think pineapple) in the turkey. Then cook it on the stove in a big baking pan for about 80 minutes and 8 seconds. Then save the grease for all the other cooking stuff. It's delicious!
Mac & Cheese: Cassidy
Boil the noodles for 7 hours. Then put the cheese in and stir, stir, stir. Leave them for awhile (like 6 hours) and don't stir. Then, you get to eat it!
Swedish Meatballs: Kade
You need a can of peas and you need some big balls (not toy balls but I don't know what they're made of). Cook them on the stove for I think 6 minutes. Eat them with a fork - they're just a little hot!
Gravy: Kira
My mom just gets it from out of a box! I love gravy from a box!
Noodles: Ezekiel
Get the bag from the top counter. Open it and put the noodles in a pan on the stove (the pan looks dirty but it's just burnt inside). Cook the noodles for a short time - like 4 minutes. Put the sauce in and squiggle the noodles around. Then, eat them with a fork!
Chicken Noodle Soup: Bria
Get the can from the store. Open it with a can opener. Pour it into a bowl and put it in the microwave for 10 seconds. I eat it with crackers when I have a cold.
And there you have it. Who knew you could cook a turkey in 88 minutes? Oh and 8 seconds. Can't forget that. You know honestly, if you ask me, I think all these kids are gonna be future water burners. I'm just saying. I'm glad I'm not alone.
So for the past few weeks, I've been trying my hardest. I made chicken cordon bleu perfectly. My second attempt at a roast had me putting the meat in a crock pot at seven-thirty in the morning, then forgetting it until my stomach started to rumble. Hey, wasn't I cooking something? Turns out, it was so tender, I had scoop it out of the crock pot with a spoon. Ok, so aesthetically, it might not have looked appetizing, but it was tender and tasted like heaven.
I always do that. I will put something on the stove and then get distracted and forget I'm cooking. And this, folks, is how I have burned water many times in the past. How do you burn water? You cook it until it evaporates and seriously ruins the pan. Water Burners Unite.
But that's ok. I'm still learning. I've successfully learned how to make chicken and dumplings. I haven't conquered spadogies yet, given that it's a family recipe that no one else knows how to make. And my family lives far away. I'll have to wait on that one. Besides, it gives Mom a good excuse to come visit. Are you listening, Mom?
One thing that I learned early on was Swedish Meatballs. It is the staple of our diet. Mainly because it's all my boys want to eat. When my son was in first grade, his teacher set about making a recipe book, including all the things the kids love to eat. She asked each of them how to make their favorite meals. I kept this recipe book, eventually, it's going in a hope chest to keep forever. So without further ado, here's some of the kids' responses when asked for recipes:
Turkey: Keenen
Put yellow round things (I think pineapple) in the turkey. Then cook it on the stove in a big baking pan for about 80 minutes and 8 seconds. Then save the grease for all the other cooking stuff. It's delicious!
Mac & Cheese: Cassidy
Boil the noodles for 7 hours. Then put the cheese in and stir, stir, stir. Leave them for awhile (like 6 hours) and don't stir. Then, you get to eat it!
Swedish Meatballs: Kade
You need a can of peas and you need some big balls (not toy balls but I don't know what they're made of). Cook them on the stove for I think 6 minutes. Eat them with a fork - they're just a little hot!
Gravy: Kira
My mom just gets it from out of a box! I love gravy from a box!
Noodles: Ezekiel
Get the bag from the top counter. Open it and put the noodles in a pan on the stove (the pan looks dirty but it's just burnt inside). Cook the noodles for a short time - like 4 minutes. Put the sauce in and squiggle the noodles around. Then, eat them with a fork!
Chicken Noodle Soup: Bria
Get the can from the store. Open it with a can opener. Pour it into a bowl and put it in the microwave for 10 seconds. I eat it with crackers when I have a cold.
And there you have it. Who knew you could cook a turkey in 88 minutes? Oh and 8 seconds. Can't forget that. You know honestly, if you ask me, I think all these kids are gonna be future water burners. I'm just saying. I'm glad I'm not alone.
posted by Ari at 7:26 AM
10 Comments:
LMAO! All we need is Big Balls...ahhh I am so crying...LOL
Gotta love 'em!
Peace
Quit bawling and hand me the tissue Jodi.....freakin' Kade has big balls.....LOL
You asked where I learned to cook. I learned a lot of southern cooking just from watching my mom but what really motivated me was being a stoner when I was younger and I didn't just want to each cheetohs or corn nuts, ha ha. Seriously, I learned most of what I know about cooking from 1) reading rec.food.cooking, 2) food-tv, 3) Joy of Cooking (book) and 4) I just seem to know what to do, even when it's not something I've done before. Like a cooking intuition or something.
Btw....did you know you are in my kickboxing class? I swear it's your twin sister. Funny thing is, her last name is Reyes and she's married to a Brazilian guy but she also kind of looks latino herself. But she's not. When you wrote about that the other day, I could have died laughing.
Chris
My Blog
Hey, if it's more than 3 steps, It's Cookin'! Soooo, If you....
Step 1. Put a Chocolate poptart in the microwave and nuke it
Step 2. Break said Chocolate Poptart up into pieces in a bowl.. AND
Step 3. Pour milk over said Chocolate Poptart....
THAT's COOKIN' ROFL!! At least it is in my world!
-stands up- "Hi, my name is Heather and I'm a Water Burner."
-listens to the chorus of "Hi Heathers" across the room-
See, Ari, you're not alone :) And I'm dying at Kades version of the recipe! Kids are something else, aren't they?
♥
I am laughing so hard I am crying here.
I used to be a water burner, but my obsession over video games has been tamed somewhat. Now I can press pause and walk downstairs in a calm and colleted manner and finish my food.
My mom on the other hand, she just plain out forget!
What is up with everyone talking about food in there blogs. LOL
I am on a empty stomach. I got a craving for Cordon Bleu and Steak with wine.
As the charter member of the WBU club, I laud you on your skillz.
I still loathe chris and his cooking skillz.
Note my loathing even goes to not even capitalizing his first name.
Just kidding Chris!
Omg, that was too funny. Kids say the darndest things huh? Tawnya
What an entertaining light entry . .. got me giggling. Just what I needed. Thanks for sharing!
Cyndy
Hey, if ya did chicken cordon bleu perfect the first time, you're doin good. And heck I think EVERYONE has burned water at one time or another...it is my fathers favorite story about my mother..she managed to do it on their honeymoon..thats when he knew he would be the cook of the family! Cooking is great..such creativity..if you think its addictive and a challenge, wait till the baking bug bites you though! :~)
I *must* have explicit directions from a cookbook or I am also a water burner... But with a proper book (clear directions, none of this fancy "chef-speak") I can cook a meal a King would envy... :)
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