No one talks like that to Michelle

I'm coming off my little blogging break to take on a columnist from the Washington Post. (Hey, it's from the Post, how reliable and newsworthy are they, anyway?) I am actually sickened by this one columnist's antics. I realize that it's the Winter Olympics and people want gold medals. I realize that in a time like this, even the most kind-hearted, mild-mannered person can be turned into a nationalistic greedy fool who is all about the gold, gold, gold and not about the spirit of the athlete. Still, I have to say my piece, too.

Sally Jenkins wrote this article about Michelle Kwan. The bitch has the audacity to get satirical in there. She likens the energy it takes to stuff her face with cheetos and cappuccinos with all the years of hard work it took to get where Michelle is today. She wants to make fun of Michelle? Fine. But if she can dish it, she better be able to take it. Trust me, she's about to take it from me so hard, that someone in Alabama is about to mutter, "Squeal for me, piggie." Yeah, bitch, that's a Deliverance referance, you're about to get yours.

It sickens me that people have the audacity to say something like, "She's twenty-five, she's too old, make room for someone younger." Like a pedophile waiting at the fence for school to be over, all these fools can seem to think is that younger is better. This is exactly what is wrong with our society. We take our veterans, we throw them away in place of youth. The sad thing about this whole ordeal is that Michelle is only twenty-five!!! That's what's considered old these days? I don't remember anyone saying that to Katarina Witt when she came back in her thirties to compete for the Olympics. No one is saying that to Irene whateverhernameis, who is competing right alongside Michelle, even though she's two years older. For some reason, Michelle is singled out and picked on. Give the girl a break! She's had an amazing career. So what if she hasn't won gold at the Olympics. Let her have one last time to shine. She's worked hard for it. She's EARNED it. Let her go out with the grace only she can show. Because you can put as many Sarah Houghes, Sasha Cowens and Tara Lipinskis as you like, but none of them will ever be able to achieve the grace and beauty that is Michelle. The rest are awkward prepubescent ninnies in comparison. The only reason Sasha and Sarah were able to squeak by in the last Olympics was because Michelle fell. Yeah, there, I said it.

She fell and still got bronze. THAT is fucking talent.

To Sally Jenkins, who can't seem to write three sentences without referancing her ability to cram yet even more food in her mouth, I say, GET HELP. There are facilities out there that will be able to help you with your food disorder. Suck on that, Sally, since you seem to have such an oral fixation.

To Michelle, I say, don't listen to the naysayers out there. You don't have to win to be a winner with me, doll. Do your best, let your talent shine one last time. For as much talk as people seem to want to give, they're gonna miss you when you're gone. You've got something that is rare these days. You've got heart. Come on, girl, buck up and show them why you're there.

(And I have every faith that little Ms. Jenkins will have no clue what it means to have heart, as I am sure she is currently stuffing her face with manicotti to try and fill some void in her life. And that, Sally, is satire.)

So yeah, I just got pissed off over figure skating. You think that's bad? No one better say shit about Apolo. Or like Sally Jenkins after a burrito-eating contest, I will blow up from the toe up!