One hundred reasons to talk about myself

You're a winner with me, Rafe!

All right, so I never did that 100 things about me back when it was a popular thing to do. So instead, I'll do it now, when people have gotten over it. That way, I can never be accused of being a follower... even though, Chuck inspired me with his list. So, it's kind of like I'm following his lead. Oh well. Can't be perfect all the time.

1. I crave sugar sometimes, but I don't like it unless it's in the form of cheesecake.
2. I only eat cheesecake once, maybe twice a year.
3. I hate fruit.
4. I love cooked vegetables, but not raw.
5. I know it's wrong, but I like getting revenge.
6. It's a passive aggressive way of fulfilling a false sense of justice.
7. Plus I'm really good at it.
8. My mother rushed me to the hospital once, after I'd eaten five consecutive tangerines.
9. That's a lot of citric acid.
10. I thought I was having a heartattack.
11. It wasn't a heartattack.
12. I hate fruit.
13. I told my husband that if he ever met that hot chick from Weird Science or Meg Ryan, I give him permission to sleep with them.
14. It'll never happen.
15. I hope.
16. I had a dog named Weezer once.
17. I bought him a blue shirt that said "Devil Dog."
18. He was not very smart.
19. One time, cops showed up at my door, after a woman complained of being chased by a tiny dog.
20. I declared that it couldn't by MY dog.
21. The cop gave a description of a dog wearing a blue shirt.
22. I had no comeback for THAT one.
23. Stupid dog.
24. My brother and I can spit grapes a few feet in the air and catch them in our mouths.
25. One time, we spit the grapes into each other's mouths.
26. My mother made us stop.
27. It grossed her out.
28. That IS pretty gross, come to think of it.
29. It works with cherries too.
30. I was extremely shy once upon a time.
31. That was before I realized that life is all about being in the spotlight.
32. Ok, it's really not, but I'm hoping that some people with weak minds read this and instantly believe all that I say.
33. So that I can be their hero.
34. I tell my mother all my secrets.
35. She better not blab about them or I'll be pissed.
36. My brother got into a car accident a few days ago.
37. He's okay.
38. He gets into an accident about every six months.
39. So he was due.
40. This was the first time he was driving when he got into one, though.
41. I taught myself how to play the piano.
42. I am a stubborn person.
43. I gave up playing when I refused to listen to myself.
44. I had an 8 track player with a microphone when I was little.
45. I used to put the Grease soundtrack in and pretend like I was a radio dj playing all the newest hits.
46. My brother and I played strange games when we were kids.
47. Like the classic "the floor is lava!" game or "don't let me fall off the couch or I will be eaten by sharks!" game.
48. We had wild imaginations.
49. We were playing outside once, when we found a portal that could take you to different dimensions.
50. We called it the "porch."
51. Strangely enough, all the different dimensions looked the same.
52. But we pretended they didn't.
53. I try to be original.
54. I hate it when people copy me.
55. I should be flattered, but I'm not.
56. Usually, I'm insanely jealous that they copied me better than I do.
57. When asked about his favorite film, Chris will probably give the title to a war movie.
58. But that's not true.
59. His favorite movie is Ice Castles.
60. I probably wasn't supposed to say that.
61. At one point in time, I had over sixty different pairs of shoes.
62. I don't now though.
63. Weezer ate them.
64. Stupid dog.
65. I loved him, despite his stupidity.
66. I once gave him a bowl of dog food. He ate the bowl and left the dog food.
67. My mother never let him sleep on my bed.
68. She said he stank too much.
69. He did.
70. I never got him neutered.
71. It warms my heart to know that there may be a little Weezer Jr. out there somewhere.
72. I had to give him away after that whole cop incident.
73. With the exception of my current two dogs, I've had to give away every other dog I've ever owned.
74. It broke my heart every single time.
75. Kade acts like he's king and treats the other children as his subjects.
76. I tell him that that's the wrong thing to do.
77. But secretly, I see nothing wrong with it.
78. He IS king.
79. I have hidden from missionaries when they knock on my door.
80. I have littered before.
81. I have done 90 down the highway at four in the morning.
82. I was going to see Chris.
83. I don't do those things now though.
84. A teacher actually had the audacity to give me an "F" once.
85. It made me so angry that I raised it to a B the next quarter, just to prove him wrong.
86. I have fond memories of that teacher.
87. My mother hated him.
88. Don't say anything bad about me in front of my mother or she'll hate you too.
89. My best friend and I devise evil plans to take over the world.
90. For some reason, that usually involves hot pants and boots.
91. Our plans are ineffective, so far.
92. I can't figure out why.
93. I have started dozens of novels.
94. I'm too impatient to finish them, because I am so excited to read them.
95. I get pissed off when I get to a certain point and then it leaves me hanging.
96. I can't read the end, because I haven't written it, yet.
97. It's a Catch-22.
98. I want to change the world by making people happy.
99. Starting with you.
100. Now smile, dammit!

Ahhhhhhhh finished. This was a rather easy task for me. I find it extraordinarily easy to talk about myself. Go figure. Hang on, I'm not done yet.

Me, me me me me, I I I I I I, Ari Ari Ari Ari

There. Much better.

Okay, I'm sort of sick of myself now too.