Resident Evil 5

I've been waiting for this one for three years. Three years it took them to make this sequel. Now let me just talk about disappointment for a second. I always get my hopes up about how good something will be. I hated Dark Knight. It sucked. I hate the Resident Evil movies. They suck. I hate Milla Jovovich or whatever her name is. She sucks and her character was never even in the game. Suck suck. Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness sucked so bad, I only played the first few levels before hurling it at the wall, never to be played again. I hated the Final Fantasy computer animated movie. It sucked. In fact, there hasn't really ever been a game to movie crossover that I HAVE liked. They all suck. So, I am no stranger to disappointment.

But when my Kade got his Game Informer magazine, when my Kade came screeching into the living room about how they were in the throws of making RE5, I went beserk-like crazy in anticipation. I didn't even own a PS3 and I was excited for this game. I checked the dates. March 13th. I preordered my copy. Did I mention, I didn't even have the console, yet? I made my Chris go to another state to get me a PS3 that WAS backwards compatible, because they are hard to find, being that Sony doesn't make them anymore. I made him buy me one that had sixty gigs of harddrive. I made him buy me a second controller, because I learned the game was Co-op, so now my Kade could play alongside me. So... six hundred dollars later, I am now ready for this game. Now before I go on... I don't ask for much. I know I am sounding like a spoiled brat, but I really am not one of these wives that asks for a lot. I am fine with the things I have. I don't need jewelry. I don't shop for clothes all the time. I don't need the latest fashions. So, when I do want something, typically my Chris is happy to oblige. I don't need pretty baubles, I just need a Playstation and any Resident Evil game, so I can curl my finger around the R1 button, the way you would curl your finger around the trigger of a gun and I am allllllllllll good.

I had asked the guy at Gamestop who the characters were, because I didn't recognize them. Yeah, they really revamped the characters. A little too much if you ask me. Chris (the lead, not my Chris) has some huge guns... err arms, biceps. I mean, huge. A little too huge. Come on, really? For a computer animated character, he is nice to look at. It's just you shouldn't really want to look at him when an angry lynch mob is heading your way. Just sayin'. The other character is new, Sheva. Not Sheiva, but Sheh vah. Weird. But okay. The animation in this game is so good. For once, they really concentrated on the characters. Sheva has this thing she does with her nose. When something doesn't suit her, she wrinkles it a bit. It's a cute characteristic for a game character. I like the little things. I like HER character. I don't like HER in the game. Okay, the game is co-op, which means you play with a partner. If you don't have a partner, the computer takes over the other character, you play in tandem. Problem is that if either one of you dies, you both die. Problem is that Sheva has a habit of walking straight into a mob of infected zombie-like people, blocking my view so that I cannot shoot. If I do shoot, I hit her dumbass. This is extremely frustrating when I am lining up a snipershot. There is nothing worse than getting that little red dot right over a zombie's head, than to have Sheva walk into my line of sight, only to have her staring at me through my scope. You dumbass! Move! And I really do shout these things at the television. As if it really knows my pain.

Another annoying aspect is that if I do happen to let her have a gun, she will waste all the ammo. So now, I have gone to using her as a pack mule to carry all my ammo. She can have a stun rod. Only I have the guns. This little trick has gotten my far into the game. Far less wasted ammo, but the problem is that she LOVES to run ahead. When I am hiding, trying to load all my guns, she will decide to go look ahead, taking all my ammo with her. I have to call her back every few seconds, but she always brings a few unwanted guests with her. The AI that controls Sheva had to have been made by a real big asshole. She always wants to run out of situations. This is the advice she gives me. Um, hello, a huge mob of infected villagers just came out of the woodwork, I have plenty of rifle ammo and you want to run?! Hell no! Head shot practice anyone? I love shooting their heads before they ever get to me, then I run over and steal all their ammo... which I make Sheva hold for me. *snicker*

The game starts out hardcore. This mob comes outta no where to take you out. At this point you have very few bullets, a knife (whoopeedoo, what's a knife gonna do for ya, other than breaking open crates?) so you have to run. Now I am not a bitch that runs. So it took me a few times to figure out that, hey, the game really does want me to run away. Damn. I hate that. That pissed me off and for a moment, I really did consider throwing the game at the wall and letting it end the way of Angel of Darkness. But only for a moment. I gathered myself and trudged on. It gets so much better. Once I figured out that they messed up the controls (I had to manually go in and set all my controls back to the way they should be) it was game on! I got this now!

It does add in some really unintentionally funny parts. I accidently knocked over a huge torch and it severely scalded this beast I was trying to kill. It was put there for that purpose, but I didn't know that, so my Kade and I had a good laugh at how good I was at accidently winning. There's another part where you are in the darkness of a mine. Sheva holds a light, but it only illuminates a few feet in front of you, so you have to rely on sounds to alert you. I forgot Sheva was behind me, so when I heard footsteps behind me, I turned and starting shooting, only to be shooting my partner. Ooops. At another point, you are supposed to walk quietly by some sleeping mutants. This is the advice Sheva gave me. I seriously did consider it... but the opportunity of a fight was just too much so I ran by quickly to alert them of my presence while the AI Sheva complained that I woke them all. Hehehhe.

Am I disappointed? There are aspects of the game that disappoint me. Sheva, while a good character and quite cute, is useless to me other than to be a pack mule. I hate not being able to see. I hate it. I understand they do it for atmosphere and to make the game harder, but I want to see myself playing the game. Don't make it too dark. Do I love the game? YES! Was it worth a six hundred dollar three year wait? YES!

Now I have to teach my Kade to play, so that he can control Sheva (even though he whines at this. But I told him that I am already too used to playing Chris to be Sheva now.) I think he might be at the age where he can play this all right. Then again, I may have to wait a few years, because there are still certain scenes that make him get up and sit right next to me. If you get into the game, it can be scary. It does get your heart racing. It's definitely not as scary as the original RE games, it's a new kind of scared. Scared your partner did something ridiculous. Like waste fifty bullets on chickens. Or scared you have to kill this huge monster, only to realize you have almost no ammo left. Or scared your partner got too close to you with that stun rod. (I can't even tell you how many times she's hit me with that thing!) Anyway, it's a good buy. It's not as good as RE4, but it will keep me busy until the next one comes out.