The Most Traumatic Day Of Your Life

What two posts back to back? She must be crazy!

I've been meaning to write this for quite awhile. It's just hard to put the words out there. Yeah so okay. Hmm, where to begin. I guess I've just not gotten over Death. Not my Death, I've not experienced that lately, else this would be one miraculous post... I've not really gotten over anyone's Death. And it's capitalized, because it's an experience worth respect, I guess. If you do not stop for Death, it will stop for you. Heh. Well, I stopped and capitalized it, so it can f*** off.

You know how you just live your life day to day and go on, really don't think much of it, then BAM, someone dies. And it kind of takes your breath away how it all goes so fast. Well, it seems like the more and more I try to go on living, the more and more BAMS that come my way. They're not immediate people to me, though. Or else, I'd probably be in a cocoon of blankets on my bed. Why is nothing coming out right?

I guess I just try to keep on going and in doing so, I block out that they're dead. So a couple of months down the road, I'll end up asking my Chris about so and so and he'll give me a horrified look. Or suddenly in the middle of a workday, I'll think of something they did and realize, oh my goodness, they died and I'll never see them again. Even though I probably wouldn't have called them were they still alive. So I'll be standing there with a sad look, what am I supposed to say? My friend died... eighteen months ago. Had it been the day before, people would understand, but almost two years and they're like wtf? I guess I'm just really good at denial.

So my mom called on the fourth of July, which in my family is one of the saddest days of the year. And I forgot my Gran died that day. And I forgot to console my Mom, even though I wondered why she sounded so sad. And then, she told me that a distant cousin of mine died in a freak accident. So okay, now I've got a picture of him on the fridge, so I won't block it. And a friend of the family died a week ago, so I've got his picture in the living room. I've been making myself look at it, so I won't block him out.

I don't go to funerals often anymore. So I don't have the funeral memories to remind me of Death. I can't handle the funerals. Not for anyone. It could be YOUR distant cousin and I will break the fuck down into a mess.

And now I'm thinking of what my Death would be like. How it will happen, what will happen after, how will Kade and my Chris be? And damn it, my vanity, one of the biggest drivers of all things Ari, wants to know who will show up. Who will forget me? What will they say? Will they really be sad? I keep thinking to myself that I HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO come back as a ghost. I will WILL this to happen. If I should fall before Kade's grown I WILL myself back as a ghost to take care of him. I promise not to scare him in the shower. Not that I do that now. Okay, but I only did that once and it was really funny. Maybe twice, because he's seriously gullible.

I don't really understand this Death thing. How can someone be there one minute and not the next? How come I can cry buckets of tears because John Doe down the block's brother died, but I barely shed one tear for my own anymore? I can speak calmly about him. Or not talk at all. I do know that when I finally do die, I won't go quietly. I won't be a small snuff of flame. It will be traumatic for me, because I will fight it every step of the way. Death can come for me, but not without a strong kick to the nuts. When God asks why I kicked Death, I'll deny the whole thing. What Death?

Meet the 1 person...

that did NOT like "The Dark Knight". Yeah, I said it. For virgin eyes, please do not read further, because A) I am about to spoil the movie for you or B) I am about to cuss and say things that would make a drunken sailor blush.

Where do I even begin? Ok, first off, my Chris tells me I overanalyze things too much. Tch, fine. But whatever, when I am told I am getting steak, I expect steak, damn it.

Christian Bale's definition of acting like Batman is to make his voice so raspy, you can barely understand what the hell he is supposed to be saying. Was he drinking broken glass? Did Christopher Nolan skullf*** his throat so hard, he could only deliver those lines like that? Did he realize that Heath Ledger's measly ten minutes worth of acting overshadowed him, so he wanted more attention?! I don't know! I don't care. Christian Bale sucks donkey balls. He sucked in American Psycho and he sucks now. He is a cheesy representation that the world will accept mediocrity. Not only accept it, but MAAAAAARVEL in it. Bale fails.

I do like that these new Batman movies are darker than the original ones, I do. I never really accepted Michael Caine as Alfred in the first movie. He's too well-known to play such a sub-par role. It would be like asking Morgan Freeman to be the weapon supplier for Bruce Wayne... oh wait... !!!

Why is it that Batman can figure a way to fly over Japan, but he can't figure out a way to fly away from dogs at the end of the movie? "Is my suit dog proof?" "No, it might be able to take out a cat." ... THAT'S GREAT WRITING!?!?!? That's stupid!!! Seriously! Batman is supposedly able to oh I don't know, take bullets, knives, body blows, whatever, but get near a dog.... oh damn all hell breaks loose! Not dogs, no! Save me from the thought! The torture of it all! The torture of hearing Commissioner Gordon go into a soliloquoy about how Batman is a true hero, a dark knight! Pussy boy can't even take a doberman!

The batmobile. Not sexy. Clunky. Idiotic and I wouldn't drive it if you paid me. So if I wouldn't drive this fuglymobile, why would you give it to a superhero? Why can't people think of better instead of bigger? And not just that, let me tell you, a long movie doesn't mean it's great. Just because the movie is two and a half hours does not mean it is a better movie. My ten year old son was yawning at that point. Editors, do your job. For the love of all that's holy, EDIT!

Be that as it may, I didn't like that Scarecrow had a two second air time. Two-face was barely in the movie to be called a villain, but Harvey Dent sure was there with his big white teeth! Ugh. The Joker was there throughout, but only in snippets. He only gets two long scenes and in it he keeps saying the same type of delivery. I thought after seeing the movie poster with the "Why so serious?" tagline, that the Joker would say that once in a very poignant part of the movie and we'd all be like "WOW!!!", but instead he just keeps saying it. Heath Ledger did a good job with what he was given, but he wasn't given enough. Why won't they ever go into Joker's psyche? Why will directors and writers never touch this? Go into his mind. Mind fuck the audience into oblivion! I want it, I do! Make him more insane! You know what, instead of the cardboard acting of Christian Bale as Batman, why not instead call the movie The Joker and have it all be from his point of view, only letting Batman in at needed battle scenes? Because that would be too creative for the world to handle. Because that would involve actual character developement. That would involve actual WRITING. We all know there aren't any true writers anymore. Just hacks who take what's already out there and spin it a different way and say "Oh look what I did!" As if that is true accomplishment.

This movie can go ahead and break all box office records. It can do whatever the hell it wants. It only proves to me that people can be served shit on a plate, be told it's steak and BELIEVE IT. I don't believe it. Shit on a plate is always shit on a plate, no matter how many times people try to tell me it's steak. You can all revel in mediocrity. I'll be over here, dreaming of perfection.