Meet the 1 person...
that did NOT like "The Dark Knight". Yeah, I said it. For virgin eyes, please do not read further, because A) I am about to spoil the movie for you or B) I am about to cuss and say things that would make a drunken sailor blush.
Where do I even begin? Ok, first off, my Chris tells me I overanalyze things too much. Tch, fine. But whatever, when I am told I am getting steak, I expect steak, damn it.
Christian Bale's definition of acting like Batman is to make his voice so raspy, you can barely understand what the hell he is supposed to be saying. Was he drinking broken glass? Did Christopher Nolan skullf*** his throat so hard, he could only deliver those lines like that? Did he realize that Heath Ledger's measly ten minutes worth of acting overshadowed him, so he wanted more attention?! I don't know! I don't care. Christian Bale sucks donkey balls. He sucked in American Psycho and he sucks now. He is a cheesy representation that the world will accept mediocrity. Not only accept it, but MAAAAAARVEL in it. Bale fails.
I do like that these new Batman movies are darker than the original ones, I do. I never really accepted Michael Caine as Alfred in the first movie. He's too well-known to play such a sub-par role. It would be like asking Morgan Freeman to be the weapon supplier for Bruce Wayne... oh wait... !!!
Why is it that Batman can figure a way to fly over Japan, but he can't figure out a way to fly away from dogs at the end of the movie? "Is my suit dog proof?" "No, it might be able to take out a cat." ... THAT'S GREAT WRITING!?!?!? That's stupid!!! Seriously! Batman is supposedly able to oh I don't know, take bullets, knives, body blows, whatever, but get near a dog.... oh damn all hell breaks loose! Not dogs, no! Save me from the thought! The torture of it all! The torture of hearing Commissioner Gordon go into a soliloquoy about how Batman is a true hero, a dark knight! Pussy boy can't even take a doberman!
The batmobile. Not sexy. Clunky. Idiotic and I wouldn't drive it if you paid me. So if I wouldn't drive this fuglymobile, why would you give it to a superhero? Why can't people think of better instead of bigger? And not just that, let me tell you, a long movie doesn't mean it's great. Just because the movie is two and a half hours does not mean it is a better movie. My ten year old son was yawning at that point. Editors, do your job. For the love of all that's holy, EDIT!
Be that as it may, I didn't like that Scarecrow had a two second air time. Two-face was barely in the movie to be called a villain, but Harvey Dent sure was there with his big white teeth! Ugh. The Joker was there throughout, but only in snippets. He only gets two long scenes and in it he keeps saying the same type of delivery. I thought after seeing the movie poster with the "Why so serious?" tagline, that the Joker would say that once in a very poignant part of the movie and we'd all be like "WOW!!!", but instead he just keeps saying it. Heath Ledger did a good job with what he was given, but he wasn't given enough. Why won't they ever go into Joker's psyche? Why will directors and writers never touch this? Go into his mind. Mind fuck the audience into oblivion! I want it, I do! Make him more insane! You know what, instead of the cardboard acting of Christian Bale as Batman, why not instead call the movie The Joker and have it all be from his point of view, only letting Batman in at needed battle scenes? Because that would be too creative for the world to handle. Because that would involve actual character developement. That would involve actual WRITING. We all know there aren't any true writers anymore. Just hacks who take what's already out there and spin it a different way and say "Oh look what I did!" As if that is true accomplishment.
This movie can go ahead and break all box office records. It can do whatever the hell it wants. It only proves to me that people can be served shit on a plate, be told it's steak and BELIEVE IT. I don't believe it. Shit on a plate is always shit on a plate, no matter how many times people try to tell me it's steak. You can all revel in mediocrity. I'll be over here, dreaming of perfection.
Where do I even begin? Ok, first off, my Chris tells me I overanalyze things too much. Tch, fine. But whatever, when I am told I am getting steak, I expect steak, damn it.
Christian Bale's definition of acting like Batman is to make his voice so raspy, you can barely understand what the hell he is supposed to be saying. Was he drinking broken glass? Did Christopher Nolan skullf*** his throat so hard, he could only deliver those lines like that? Did he realize that Heath Ledger's measly ten minutes worth of acting overshadowed him, so he wanted more attention?! I don't know! I don't care. Christian Bale sucks donkey balls. He sucked in American Psycho and he sucks now. He is a cheesy representation that the world will accept mediocrity. Not only accept it, but MAAAAAARVEL in it. Bale fails.
I do like that these new Batman movies are darker than the original ones, I do. I never really accepted Michael Caine as Alfred in the first movie. He's too well-known to play such a sub-par role. It would be like asking Morgan Freeman to be the weapon supplier for Bruce Wayne... oh wait... !!!
Why is it that Batman can figure a way to fly over Japan, but he can't figure out a way to fly away from dogs at the end of the movie? "Is my suit dog proof?" "No, it might be able to take out a cat." ... THAT'S GREAT WRITING!?!?!? That's stupid!!! Seriously! Batman is supposedly able to oh I don't know, take bullets, knives, body blows, whatever, but get near a dog.... oh damn all hell breaks loose! Not dogs, no! Save me from the thought! The torture of it all! The torture of hearing Commissioner Gordon go into a soliloquoy about how Batman is a true hero, a dark knight! Pussy boy can't even take a doberman!
The batmobile. Not sexy. Clunky. Idiotic and I wouldn't drive it if you paid me. So if I wouldn't drive this fuglymobile, why would you give it to a superhero? Why can't people think of better instead of bigger? And not just that, let me tell you, a long movie doesn't mean it's great. Just because the movie is two and a half hours does not mean it is a better movie. My ten year old son was yawning at that point. Editors, do your job. For the love of all that's holy, EDIT!
Be that as it may, I didn't like that Scarecrow had a two second air time. Two-face was barely in the movie to be called a villain, but Harvey Dent sure was there with his big white teeth! Ugh. The Joker was there throughout, but only in snippets. He only gets two long scenes and in it he keeps saying the same type of delivery. I thought after seeing the movie poster with the "Why so serious?" tagline, that the Joker would say that once in a very poignant part of the movie and we'd all be like "WOW!!!", but instead he just keeps saying it. Heath Ledger did a good job with what he was given, but he wasn't given enough. Why won't they ever go into Joker's psyche? Why will directors and writers never touch this? Go into his mind. Mind fuck the audience into oblivion! I want it, I do! Make him more insane! You know what, instead of the cardboard acting of Christian Bale as Batman, why not instead call the movie The Joker and have it all be from his point of view, only letting Batman in at needed battle scenes? Because that would be too creative for the world to handle. Because that would involve actual character developement. That would involve actual WRITING. We all know there aren't any true writers anymore. Just hacks who take what's already out there and spin it a different way and say "Oh look what I did!" As if that is true accomplishment.
This movie can go ahead and break all box office records. It can do whatever the hell it wants. It only proves to me that people can be served shit on a plate, be told it's steak and BELIEVE IT. I don't believe it. Shit on a plate is always shit on a plate, no matter how many times people try to tell me it's steak. You can all revel in mediocrity. I'll be over here, dreaming of perfection.
posted by Ari at 6:34 PM
4 Comments:
i saw the first part of your entry and skimmed down cause i wanna see it, but i'm nervous if you didn't like it cause we have such similar opinions usually.
anyways, just wanted to drop by and say hello. i miss you!
:]
You rock, Ari. You saved me from seeing a movie that I was not going to see anyway;)
The question is, which is worse, Dark Knight or the latest Indy Jones flick?
Fucking aliens.
PS: Thanks for the skull fuck term. I will save that term for later use!
Honestly, Chris, the Indie Jones flick was all right. I was disappointed that Harrison was THAT decrepit. ugh did I spell that right? Anyway, he was old and it showed. Aliens, yeah, that was way weird and didn't follow really the type of archeology that Indie was into. I do like that they brought back the chick from Temple of Doom, though. You have to admit, that was a good thing to do. I guess I wasn't expecting the Jones flick to be great, so I wasn't as disappointed. The Dark Knight though, everyone loves it. Ugh, maybe I just wanted it to be so much more than it possibly could've lived up to. I don't know. All I know is that everytime I see a commercial for Batman toys, I bristle. This movie was NOT made for children AT ALL.
I finally saw the Dark Knight. I had to see Batman Begins first.
I agree about Christian
Bales voice. I think he is a decent actor, but when he tried to disguise his voice as Batman, he sucked. In the scenes with the Joker (Heath Ledger), the movie was waaaay more interesting. I only wished that they hadn't wasted our time with the Scarecrow, and Batman having to "Fly over to Japan"...waste of time.
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