A Crack In The Wall
Most of the time, I rarely leave my house. There, I said it. I'm not exagerating. I leave my house to pick up groceries, pick up/drop off my son from school and to go on missions. Otherwise, I'm home. It's not agoraphobia. I will travel outside my home in a heartbeat, if it means going somewhere cool. I just really like my privacy. The doorbell, the telephone, they are intrusions into my world. Most often, I can shrug it off. Some days, it irritates me.
As a child, I might have been a loner. I had friends, but I was very comfortable on my own. I could play for hours by myself, never thinking twice about it. I haven't changed much since then. Social people find this a hard concept to grasp. They think something is wrong with me, or that I don't like them, but that's not necessarily true. I just don't need the constant validation of speaking everyday in order to be your friend. I can go years without talking to my friends, then call them and we pick up right where we left off. There are no "why haven't you called/where have you been?" comments. I like it this way.
I am not a social butterfly. Never have been. I am more laid back and quiet, believe it or not. I don't think I talked to anyone other than family until I was in double digits. Unless you piss me off, then I don't care where we are, I will let you know that shit. I know sometimes I come off as a talkative life of the party type sometimes, but it's not true at all. I loathe social settings. I do like people, just not all at once. That's too much. And to tell you the truth, I can't always follow along, especially if more than one person is speaking. There's only so many times I can ask them to repeat themselves, before both of us get irritated. I should learn to read lips or something. It makes me insecure at times, but I'm too young and vain for a hearing aid.
I don't understand why people talk so much. I don't know why they feel the need to. Most of the time, it's never anything important anyway. What's wrong with silence? Why is there always an incessant need to fill every little moment with noise? You can gain for more knowledge by watching a person, than you ever could by speaking with them.
So I don't go out much. This is my fortress where I gleefully keep myself hostage. In order to get to me, you'd have to get through the black beast Sasha, a yappy Angel, my hero knight Kade and a fire breathing bad-ass that is my husband. And ya know? I really like it this way.
As a child, I might have been a loner. I had friends, but I was very comfortable on my own. I could play for hours by myself, never thinking twice about it. I haven't changed much since then. Social people find this a hard concept to grasp. They think something is wrong with me, or that I don't like them, but that's not necessarily true. I just don't need the constant validation of speaking everyday in order to be your friend. I can go years without talking to my friends, then call them and we pick up right where we left off. There are no "why haven't you called/where have you been?" comments. I like it this way.
I am not a social butterfly. Never have been. I am more laid back and quiet, believe it or not. I don't think I talked to anyone other than family until I was in double digits. Unless you piss me off, then I don't care where we are, I will let you know that shit. I know sometimes I come off as a talkative life of the party type sometimes, but it's not true at all. I loathe social settings. I do like people, just not all at once. That's too much. And to tell you the truth, I can't always follow along, especially if more than one person is speaking. There's only so many times I can ask them to repeat themselves, before both of us get irritated. I should learn to read lips or something. It makes me insecure at times, but I'm too young and vain for a hearing aid.
I don't understand why people talk so much. I don't know why they feel the need to. Most of the time, it's never anything important anyway. What's wrong with silence? Why is there always an incessant need to fill every little moment with noise? You can gain for more knowledge by watching a person, than you ever could by speaking with them.
So I don't go out much. This is my fortress where I gleefully keep myself hostage. In order to get to me, you'd have to get through the black beast Sasha, a yappy Angel, my hero knight Kade and a fire breathing bad-ass that is my husband. And ya know? I really like it this way.
posted by Ari at 8:25 PM
9 Comments:
I'm with you.... I can go DAYS and only see G and the other people who live here on the property. That has been one of the best things to me about our move. The lady I take care of horses for is only here a few weeks out of the year (and they are literally across the street). I still work, I just do it at home, by myself and ship it off to my old employers. I don't make as much nor is the work guaranteed (when they get an order for something, I get an order... no 8hours a day), but I don't have to deal with a set schedule or see people,or drive to work every day! And, since I have e-mail again I don't even get a phone call with a new order, she just e-mails me! {g}
Why would I want to go anywhere? All my 'kids', G and the computer are right here! {LOL}
I can understand that thinking, sometimes. I, myself, and a little of both. I am a big social butterfly, however, there are some days where I just want to sit in my quiet and enjoy the peace.
:]
♥
Ya know, I am the same way. I am thankful I live out in the country where I get to go home and just be me with my critters and not have to listen to any of the "city" noises. Silence is my friend.
For me its a double-edged sword. On one side, I don't want to constantly be bothered with conversation (there needs to be a gap of silence in between) or be in a room with a large group of people, and on the other hand I don't want to be alone.
I'd love companionship and some conversation, but not an overdose. I guess I can say that I feel the same as you in a sense, but I think your more extroverted than I.
I am more in your camp. I think that the fact that the phone and door insists that you stop what you are doing and pay attention to them is the height of arrogance.
"The doorbell, the telephone, they are intrusions into my world. Most often, I can shrug it off. Some days, it irritates me."
I've known for a long time that we were more alike than we have any right to be, but this confirms it. You've summed up my life perfectly.
Most of my friends can't understand that if I don't answer the phone or just want to hang out at home it's not because I'm angry with them or don't like them anymore - I just want to do my thing.
I'm not anti-social and I'm perfectly comfortable in social situations, but there is usually nowhere I'd rather be than at home doing - whatever (playing with my beads, hanging out online, playing video games). I guess it's the only child thing.
~rachel
P.S. Heh...I had completely forgotten that you renamed me until I saw "raquel" in your blogroll. LOL!
I have enjoyed being alone since I was a kid. Playing in my sand pile with my army men and matchbox cars let me play in a world of imagination. I suspect most very imaginative people like being alone.
"Fire breathing bad ass that is my husband" sigh, that was incredibly romantic from a guy's standpoint.
Chris
My Blog
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I'm the same way! Content to be alone, doing my own thing. You have put it to words, how I feel about all that social gathering, in a way that others (butterflies) might understand. Not! Sometimes, I even get in trouble for being too quiet. See, I'm preceived to be mad, or as disliking someone, and so, so misunderstood most the time. I do not need the constant bubbly chit-chat.
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