Woebegone

I feel like I'm in such a slump lately. I hate it when people disappoint me. Once that happens, it's extremely hard for me to ever think of them the same way again, because in the back of my mind is always that disappointment. I can forgive a lot, but after so long, one can only forgive so much.

I just don't feel like myself. I feel like a shell. And the real Ari is in there screaming on the inside, but I can't really project that out without losing myself in it completely. And my words would be like knives cutting and slashing without remorse or control. It's not worth it to let it out.

I hate my house. I hate this job. I hate the city I live in. I hate that my laughs are becoming more and more forced. I hate that my body won't work with me. I hate charlie horses. I hate that no one really listens to me, but instead assumes what I will say or think. I hate that I am so fed up of everything. I hate that I don't know what to do about it other than to just LIVE it. I hate that I try so hard for people that don't care at all. I hate that my good intentions aren't seen. I hate that no one ever allows me to fail.

I feel so tired, but I sleep so much. I wake up feeling more tired than before I slept. I hate not being happy.