Annoyances

• Sheryl Crow - Listening to her twangy sniveling voice is worse than nails on a chalkboard. Plus, she totally seems like a pretentious jerk. I've never met her in person, so it's hard to judge. But then again, I don't want to meet her. I hope cyclist runs over her ass.
• Two Tone Hair - Highlights can be absolutely gorgeous and flattering when done correctly. When blended with natural colors, the hair looks beautiful and healthy. I never understood the whole two tone hair phenomenon that seems to be ravaging the heads of youth lately. Why would a person go out of their way to look like trash? Specifically the lighter hair on top and the darker hair underneath it. Gross. The skunk look was never "in" in my book.
• Angelina Jolie - Would you fucking eat already!?
• The parents of Britney Spears - You people are the absolute worst parents I have ever witnessed. She needs help. Get her some. The girl is off the wall bonkers. Quit trying to ignore this shit and for the love of all things holy, help her. If my daughter were acting like her, I'd do everything I could and if she still didn't listen, I whoop her ass until the sun went down. I wouldn't just throw up my hands and say, "She won't cooperate." I think she needs a little meet and greet with my Gram's slotted spoon. That thing hurt like hell.
• Paparazzi - Get a real job.
• Magazines - Quit supporting the papparazzi.
• White trash teenagers - Yeah, I said it. I guess if you're a white trash teen, you can't really help where you came from. But that doesn't mean you have to act like it. Conduct yourself properly at the grocery market. This means, get the fuck out of my way, no one and I do mean no one, cares about what Bobby did last night. Stop being loud. Wash your pants, because mud stains (I sincerely hope those were mud stains) are never attractive. Comb your hair. You can even brush it. Either one, but when I see your poor excuse for a mother buying alcohol for you guys, laughing about how she's a cool mom and you don't even have enough hygenic sense to comb your fucking hair... it's enough to make me want to take you out of the gene pool. Run you over with my shopping cart, do the world a bit of good. Watch out, because you make me want to buy a bb gun.
• The Pretentious Shopper - Oh, and this one is my all time favorite. Note my sarcasm. These douchebags come in all varieties. They can be young or old, any race, any gender. What sets them apart from other shoppers is the fact that they believe they are more important than anyone else. All staff must immediately help them and only them, or they will throw a tantrum the size of an atom bomb. It doesn't matter how many people have waited patiently in line before them. It doesn't matter if they got to the store the last hour of a one week advertisement, which means that of course, that store will be out of whatever they need. No, their tardiness does not matter. The only thing that matters to these snooty pricks is that they get what they want NOW. Failure to do so will leave them screaming not only to the staff, but to any other shopper around them. They will declare that they will never shop at that store again, only to be back a week later adamantly crying that they need help. These people never got enough hugs as children; their parents supplied love with a credit card. They always get what they want with little to no work involved. All the problems on this planet derive from these people. They are the ones that complain about smoking so that laws are changed, only to drive around in the biggest SUV's. They are the ones that decry drinking, well unless it's good wine, of course. They are the people that cut you off on a highway. They are the ones that believe their children shouldn't have to follow rules or regulations. They demand service, damn it, because to make them wait would make them question their own existence. Holy hell, doesn't EVERYONE know that their needs come before OURS?!
• Apathy - Don't not care. It's the worst thing you could ever do.

The Power Of A One Hour Soak

If you've ever worked at a zoo, then changed jobs, you will notice that the coworkers aren't that different than the animals. If one were to ask me which animals I currently work with, it'd have to be chimpanzees. It is very much like that commercial with the guy that works with chimps. The chimps are having a party until the guy puts up the chart the correct way, revealing that sales have gone down. The chimps then reset the chart back to its previous state and continue with their party. The only difference in my situation is that chimpanzees by nature are actually pretty smart animals. My coworkers... not so much. Incompetence comes to mind, but I digress.

I've had the most pitiful work week. I am a very indulgent person. So when things get down, I indulge myself a little more than usual. We ate out, because cooking was far too much for my mind to handle at that point. I talked to Mom, because I needed the comfort and understanding. I soaked for an hour in the bathtub, because the dryness in the air had so ravaged my skin to the point where my legs were completely red and flaky. Gross. I got out of the bathtub and changed straight into a nightgown. Silk. Long. Gorgeous. Because I needed to feel pretty.

I went to go cuddle with my Chris, but felt a presence behind me. I turned to find my Kade standing behind me with his nose in the air. Strange child. I walked a few steps more and he followed. The dogs were going crazy because I had dared to walk into the room without acknowledging their presence. I greeted them, then continued on my way to my Chris with my tagalong in tow.

When I went cuddle up to him, Kade flopped on my lap, his nose buried in my neck.

"She smells really good, Dad."

Chris took the hint, then I had both noses in my neck.

If we lived in the animal kingdom, perhaps a few hours before, I'd have been a lioness stalking my latest kill, eyeing with great intensity this chimp who had the audacity to come within my territory. But at that moment, with my two males beside me, I had my claws tucked safely away. For that moment, I was completely docile.