Random Stuff

Emily (I always did like that name. For some reason, I just found out her name was Emily. I always referred to her as "The Mad Secretary.") posted a comment about Angelina Jolie's lips in my previous entry. And while I can agree that those things are monstrous, they at least appear natural. I cannot say the same for this chick. *shakes head sadly* She'll look like Joan Rivers in ten years. It's sad. Emily, thank you, for pointing out an annoyance I forgot: Ladies, learn to love yourself the way you are. You can get your lips injected, your boobs done, whatever, but you'll look like an alien afterwards. Oscar de la Hoya's niece looks like he punched her in the mouth a few times. It's just not sexy. That combined with the fake boobs and overplucked eyebrows... ugh, she's one back tattoo away from plain trash.

I am typing this at three in the morning, because I feel awful. I either ate something that didn't agree with me, or I'm coming down with the flu. Either way, I keep running to the bathroom every two minutes, because I feel like I'm gonna be sick. It hasn't happened yet, but I know it's coming. I hate feeling nauseated. I took a Pepto thinking it might help, but no such luck. I just went to the bathroom to check my throat... black tongue. FREAK THE F*** OUT. Are you kidding me? I had a black tongue. So I brushed my tongue and that went away. A google search let me know I'm fine, it's just a reaction to the Pepto. I'm not gonna lie though, that scared the shit out of me. I thought I was turning goth.

I still can't get over that girl's fish lips. She's from Rock of Love 2. It's an addiction of mine that I'm not proud of. I just can't help watching a trainwreck in progress. He always keeps the dipshittiest girls, I swear. She's one of 'em. Watch her talk. She doesn't move her face at all, just her lips. Hilarious.

You know if we had a major natural disaster that wiped out the planet, only cockroaches and Joan Rivers would survive. You do know that, right? No part of her is real. I think she's a robot by now. Just skin stretched over metal. You can tell by the way she repeats herself. It's a glitch in the software. And that heah heah heah cackle she has? It's all computer generated, people. Trust me, my fever induced brain knows these things.

Commercials for food do not help nausea.

Remember in the '90's, that Buns of Steel chick? Whatever happened to her? I bet she was a robot, too. They probably dismantled her. Her internal parts have now been refitted to keep the newest version of the energizer bunny going. Don't think you're fooling me, Duracell. That is NOT the same bunny of yesteryear!

I keep thinking my commas are semi-colons, because my monitor is THAT dirty. I should probably clean it, but we both know I'm just going to sit and stare at it every few seconds.

I almost got recruited to the army the other day. He was a fast talker, thought he had this recruit all wrapped and sealed in a bag. Then I told him my husband just got his official thirty year retirement papers. So he asked me, "How old is he?" Keep your jokes to yourself. I told him and he looked at me strange and said, "How old are YOU?!" To which I replied, "Thirty." He laughed, "Your husband joined the year you were born." After he waited for me to give him a punchline, I said, "I'm still thirty." He thought about that for a minute and said, "I'm sorry, I thought you were like twenty." So I made him a deal. I would be twenty, but I wouldn't join the army. And that my friends, is how I instantly became ten years younger. You should try it sometime, it's good for the ego. Don't even try to doubt me, I have an official from the United States gov't willing to testify that I look twenty. So now I am. In two months, I'll be twenty-one. Then I can drink legally. I'm looking forward to it.

Time goes by slowly when you're twenty going on twenty-one. I never realized that before.

Wow it took me an hour to type this. I think I heard a bird chirping outside. Or I'm delusional. If it's a bird, I should probably get some sleep. If I'm delusional, I should still get some sleep, that way I'll be well rested when I wake up to carry on these delusions. Actually, they wouldn't be delusions, more like hallucinations, but that's just my psychology textbook talking. It really does talk too. Right now it's sitting in the corner asking me "How does that make you feel?" To which I'd have to reply, "Nauseated and a little bit sleepy."